Most of us see police and firefighters as those who protect our families. It is difficult to accept that some police officers and firefighters terrorize their own families. But when you see how the batterer can use his professional training to intimidate your friend, you understand the danger she's in. As a family member or friend of an abused woman, you're afraid for her. You want to support her but you may also be confused, frustrated and afraid to get involved.
Few people fully realize the impact of police and firefighter domestic violence. Many victims report that others don't appreciate the complexity of their situation. It's disappointing and frustrating for a woman to have to educate the very people she hoped would help and support her.
The more you learn about police-perpetrated domestic violence, the more will you be able to support your friend or family member.
It will be easier for her to talk with you because she won't have to explain everything to you. We suggest that you get familiar with some of the jargon, complications and issues. Read the articles, check out the resources.
We also have several books available. It might be safer if you buy the books and then give them to her or allow her to keep them at your house.
What are her safety options? Anticipating the potential outcomes of her actions can assist her in preparing for those outcomes. Help her develop a realistic safety plan for herself and her children.
Does she need to escape? Help her find a place to go that the abuser would not know about. Help her get there without using her own car. Make sure she has cash because she can't use any credit cards.
What are her legal needs? Help her find an attorney who has experience working with domestic violence. It may be necessary to educate the attorney on the nuances of officer-involved domestic violence.
Is she also in law enforcement or the fire service? She is particularly vulnerable because she must rely on the integrity and discretion of her fellow officers and supervisors to intervene and provide protection.
Talk with her about her greatest fears [personal account]. What threats has he made against her and others close to her? How immediate are the threats? What is the likelihood of her receiving appropriate police protection?
Help her find resources and accurate information. For specific information and technical assistance on officer-involved domestics, contact Diane Wetendorf.
If you are a police officer or a firefighter, you may be struggling with your own mixed feelings. You may find yourself making job-related excuses for the abuser that you would not make for a person in any other profession. You might be torn between wanting to protect the abuser's career and protecting the victim. Or you may be angry at the abuser and want to see him off the job, but fear that he will retaliate against her if he is fired or suspended.
Whether you are male or female, we suggest that you read Crossing the Threshold: Female Officers and Police-Perpetrated Domestic Violence. It will help you understand how male institutional power filters down into intimate relationships. While the book focuses on female officers, it's relevant for civilians too.
In addition, Abusive Police Officers Working the System shows how abusive officers can control and manipulate family and friends through their knowledge of the justice system.
If you are an advocate or other professional, we expect you're rethinking many of your strategies on different levels. Your agency may be in partnership with the abuser's department. Consider reading When the Batterer Is a Law Enforcement Officer: Guide for Advocates (pdf format). This manual explores why standard remedies often are inadequate when dealing with officer-involved domestics.
In addition, Developing Policy on officer-Involved Domestic Violence may help you understand how solutions good from the department’s perspective can make things worse for the victim; and solutions better for the victim can leave the department open to liability.
Don't forget to read the articles and resources. Visit our book store. We offer quantity discounts to agencies.
Finally, if the information on this Web site has been useful to you, please consider making a contribution to support our work. Your donation supports free counseling and materials for other women.
Police Domestic Violence Victim Handbook
Contact us for Safety in an Electronic World and the Safety Plan for Police Victims